WELL I DECLAIRE.
Thoughts, miscellany, and bad puns from Claire Burgess, (minimally) accomplished fiction writer.
Thoughts, miscellany, and bad puns from Claire Burgess, (minimally) accomplished fiction writer.
The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. Don’t let this dissuade you from revising again and again, which can really improve a piece of writing.
The average reader is pleased to observe anybody’s wooden leg being stolen.
“Troubled Relationship” is now a card category at Walgreen’s, which is great because that’s the sort of situation that is usually best handled via greeting card.
It’s Friday, so lets make something delicious and not totally healthy and full of cream cheese! No—screw Friday, lets make it on ALL THE DAYS. CREAM CHEESE YOU GUYS. CREAM CHEESE 4EVARRRRR.
She’s back! And just as hilarious/soul-crushing as ever. (This is a good thing.) Glad you’re back and doing better, Allie. I’ve missed you.
(via Hyperbole and a Half)
I bought this bottle of Sriracha in January to keep at my desk at work. I am the only one who uses it. I don’t use it every day. I use it mostly when I’m eating soup. The moral of the story is: I consume a WHOLE LOT of Sriracha. And also, it seems, a whole lot of soup.
Sriracha is my favorite. So is soup.
That is all.
In the age-old battle between book and bath, man has tried many things: the reading tray, the conveniently placed towel, the waterproof page. An eight-year-old has gone one better.
GENIUS. All my problems: solved.
“Sorted Books” by Nina Katchadourian or How to make Stories from Book Titles
My favorite is the first one.
I was immersing myself in women’s literature the other day—by that I mean I was reading a cookbook—and that’s when I knew what I should do. I will write the next Great American Woman’s Novel. It’ll be part romance fiction/journal/doodles/musings/sestina about kittens and friendship/an illuminating treatise about the way we live now/word cloud, and it will cover the typical subject matters women write about: marriage, motherhood, yogurt, dating as a competitive sport, emotional warfare, housework, tampons, rainbows, midwifery, gardening, hysteria, beauty products, weight gain, weight loss, the art of being shrill, divorce, magic, and light bondage.
One chapter will be an audio file of Taylor Swift songs.
One chapter will be just emojis.
One chapter will be my grocery list.
One chapter will be a link to my Pinterest page.
One chapter will be manufactured with drops of my blood, sweat, and tears.
One chapter will be me making a sandwich for all the “American Novelists.”If I have any deep, universal, logical thoughts or opinions, I’ll write them down on Post-Its and then chew them up and swallow them to maintain the illusion women don’t write about those things.
FUNNY WOMEN #100: Writing The Next Great American Woman’s Novel by the inimitable Elissa Bassist
